Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors in a dating or domestic relationship that is physically, sexually, verbally and/or emotionally abusive. Usually this is not just a one-time incident, but a pattern of abusive incidents over time that causes harm and/or fear. As the pattern continues, the abuser gains control and power over the victim. Domestic violence takes many forms. It ranges from rape and murder, to punching, slapping, pushing and grabbing; from threats of violence, verbal attacks and other forms of intimidation, to extreme jealousy, possessiveness and controlling behavior.

Early on in a relationship, the victim may not recognize that certain behaviors, like extreme jealousy and possessiveness, can be warning signs of abuse. As a result, the victim can often believe that the first attack or violence is an isolated incident. After the attack, the abuser's apologies and promises that it will never happen again often convince the victim to stay and "work it out." Later, fear, isolation and confusion caused by the continued cycle of violence can keep a victim trapped, afraid to tell anyone what is happening or to reach out for help.

A common pattern of domestic abuse is that the perpetrator alternates between violent, abusive behavior and apologetic behavior with apparently heartfelt promises to change. The abuser may even be very pleasant a lot of the time, and often presents a quite pleasant and even loving appearance to outsiders or onlookers; because of this, often the victim is not believed - or is even blamed for the abusive behavior - when the victim attempts to disclose the abusive situation or see help from friends or family.

The victim of abuse or domestic violence may be a man or a woman. Domestic abuse occurs in traditional heterosexual marriages, as well as in same-sex partnerships. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence. Domestic violence may even end up in murder.

The key elements of domestic abuse are that the abuser uses intimidation, humiliation of the other person, and sometimes physical injury. Domestic abuse is not a result of losing control; domestic abuse is intentionally trying to control another person. The abuser is purposefully using verbal, nonverbal, or physical means to gain control over the other person.

Often, an abuser utilizes several types of abuse on a victim simultaneously, and it's sometimes difficult to separate the types of abuse.  For example, someone who is being abused physically is often also a victim of verbal and emotional abuse when the abuser insults, threatens, and intimadates the victim; it's also very common for an emotional or psychological abuser to continue utilize system abuse when their victim tries to escape the abuse through separation or divorce. However, this does not always work in reverse - some verbal or emotional abusers never venture into physical abuse, just as many sexual abusers do not utilize violent physical abuse on their victim.

The divisions between these types of domestic abuse are somewhat fluid, but there is a strong differentiation between the various forms of physical abuse and the various types of verbal or nonverbal abuse. Often the abusers utilizes several different types of abuse simultaneously, in an attempt to gain an even greater level of control over the victim, their actions, thoughts, feelings, and life.

In general, abuse may be perpetrated by a parent, girlfriend/boyfriend, sibling, relative, teacher, coach, family friend or acquaintance, or anyone else inside or outside the person's home who has the ability to make the victim feel as though they have control of the victim, whether or not that "control" is realistic. Most often, an abuser is someone the victim knows.  Abuse can be of an adult, child, teen, or sibling. It can be physical or non-physical, verbal or non-verbal, sexual or non-sexual. It affects people of all races, religions and cultures, regardless of how much money they do or do not have or what neighborhood they live in. Victims can be make or female, and it can happen in same-sex and opposite sex relationships. Exposure to domestic violence (physical and/or non-physical) has considerable potential to be perceived as life-threatening by those victimized and can leave them with a sense of vulnerability, helplessness, and in extreme cases, horror.

A strong predictor of abuse and violence in adulthood is abuse and violence in the household in which the person was reared. For instance, a child’s exposure to their father’s abuse of their mother is the strongest risk factor for transmitting domestic violence from one generation to the next. This cycle of abuse is difficult to break because the child has grown up with abuse as the norm. Individuals living with domestic violence have learned that violence and mistreatment are the way to vent anger. Someone often resorts to abuse or physical violence because they haf solved their problems this way in the past, they have effectively exerted control and power over others through abuse and/or violence, and no one has stopped them in the past. Other types of abuse abuse, specifically most non-physical types of abuse, are often more a matter of control rather than violence or anger, and often abusers do not see those types of behavior as "abuse" because they do not see any physical damage to the victim; they do not consider non-physical psychic or mental damage as a result of their abuse.

Abusers are extremely unpredictable. However, some immediate causes can set off a bout of abuse, including stress, provocation (or perceived provocation) by the victim, economic hardship such as prolonged unemployment, depression, desperation, jealousy, and anger. Abusers often have extreme, unrealistic, and unpredictable "rules" or expectations of the victim's behavior or appearance, and any perceived infringement may result in yet another tirade by the abuser.

Society can be accused of contributing to abuse and violence by not taking it seriously enough and by treating it as expected, normal, or deserved. Specifically, society perpetuates abuse in some of the following ways:

• Police may not treat domestic abuse as a crime, but, rather, as a “domestic dispute”
• Courts may not award severe consequences, such as imprisonment or economic sanctions
• A community usually doesn’t ostracize domestic abusers but instead chooses to ignore the abuser's behavior, insist that the behavior was not abusive or was overexaggerated by the victim, or even refuse to acknowledge that the abuser is even capable of such behavior
• Clergy or counselors may have the attitude that the relationship needs to be improved and that the relationship can work, given more time and effort
• People may have the attitude that the abuse is the fault of the victim, or that the abuse is a normal part of marriage or domestic partnerships
• Gender-role socialization and stereotypes often condone abusive behavior by men
• Victims of verbal or emotional types of abuse are often told they are "too sensitive" when witnesses or others outside of the abuse do not understand the ongoing and extreme nature of the abuse, or do not consider non-physical maltreatment as abuse at all. 

Community solutions are often quite inadequate, such that victims cannot get the help they need. For example, seeking refuge in a shelter may require a woman to leave her neighborhood, social support system, job, school, and childcare. In addition, teenagers are often not welcome at shelters, particularly teenage males. Teenage girls with children may have difficulty finding shelter because of their own age. Male victims of domestic violence have trouble finding shelters that will take them.

The results of abuse are far-reaching and long-lasting. A victim abused (in any manner) by a spouse or intimate partner may develop sleep problems, depression, anxiety or panic attacks, low self-esteem, lack of trust in orthers, feelings of abandonment, anger, sensitivity to rejection, diminished mental and physical health, inability to work, poor relationships with their children and/or other loved ones and/or difficulty establishing intimate personal relationships, substance abuse as a way of coping, becoming an abusive parent or caregiver; physical abuse may result in death, if the victim does not (or sometimes even does does) leave the relationship. Children who witnes domestic abuse may develop serious emotional, behavioral, developmental, or academic problems. As children, they may become violent themselves or adopt the abusive behaviors they witness, or withdraw. Some children act out, others try to be the perfect child; they often become depressed and have low self-esteem. As they develop, children and teens who grow up with domestic abuse in the household are more likely to use violence at school or in the community in response to perceived threats, attempt suicide, use drugs, commit crimes (especially sexual assault), use violence or abusive methods to enhance their reputation and self-esteem, and are more likely to become abusers in their own relationships later in life.

Abuse, especially child abuse tends to be cyclical, repeated generation after generation. A child who has experienced trauma may repeat the pattern by growing into an adult who delivers trauma to the next generation. The only way to stop such a cycle is to work with parents, prospective parents, and other caregivers who seek help or who are referred for help. Some avenues that may offer hope are the establishment of educational programs to teach parents and caregivers good parenting and coping skills, making people aware of alternatives to abusive behaviors so that they seek help for their own abusive tendencies, educating the public about abuse so that people report abuse as early as possible so that  intervention can begin, establishing relationships of trust with children so that they feel comfortable disclosing abuse so that someone can intervene as early as possible.

Domestic abuse and violence is widespread and occurs among all socioeconomic groups. In a national survey of over 6,000 American families, it was estimated that between 53% and 70% of male batterers (i.e., they assaulted their wives) also frequently abused their children (Straus & Gelles, 1990). Other research suggests that women who have been hit by their husbands were twice as likely as other women to abuse a child (CWP, 1995).

Over 3 million children are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year. Children from homes where domestic violence occurs are physically or sexually abused and/or seriously neglected at a rate 15 times the national average. Approximately, 45% to 70% of battered women in shelters have reported the presence of child abuse in their home. About two-thirds of abused children are being parented by battered women. Of the abused children, they are three times more likely to have been abused by their fathers.

Abuse can also be a cause of Traumatic Stress, which is produced by exposure to events that are so extreme or severe and threatening, that they demand extraordinary coping efforts. Traumatic exposure may take the form of single, short-term event (such as rape, assault, severe beating), or can involve repeated or prolonged exposure (such as chronic victimization such as child sexual abuse, battering). Research suggests that this second form of exposure tends to have greater impact on the individual's functioning. With repeated exposure to traumatic events, an individual may develop Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which involves specific patterns of avoidance and hyper-arousal. Individuals with PTSD may begin to organize their lives around their trauma. Although most people who suffer from PTSD (especially in severe cases) have considerable interpersonal and academic/occupational problems, the degree to which symptoms of PTSD interfere with overall functioning varies a great deal from person to person.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - Fourth Edition (DSM-IV; APA, 1994) stipulates that in order for an individual to be diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder, he or she must have experienced or witnessed a life-threatening event and reacted with intense fear, helplessness, or horror. The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced (such as through distressing recollections), there is persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and the victim experiences some form of hyper-arousal (such as exaggerated startle response). These symptoms persist for more than one month and cause clinically significant impairment in daily functioning.

It has been suggested that responses to traumatic experience(s) can be divided into at least four categories. Emotional responses include shock, terror, guilt, horror, irritability, anxiety, hostility, and depression. Cognitive responses are reflected in significant concentration impairment, confusion, self-blame, intrusive thoughts about the traumatic experience(s) (also referred to as flashbacks), lowered self-efficacy, fears of losing control, and fear of reoccurrence of the trauma. Biologically-based responses involve sleep disturbance (i.e., insomnia), nightmares, an exaggerated startle response, and psychosomatic symptoms. Behavioral responses include avoidance, social withdrawal, interpersonal stress (decreased intimacy and lowered trust in others), and substance abuse. The process through which the individual has coped prior to the trauma is arrested; consequently, a sense of helplessness is often maintained.