Child Abuse

If you suspect child abuse, but aren't sure, look for clusters of the following physical and behavioral signs.

Signs of physical abuse may include: Unexplained burns, cuts, bruises, or welts in the shape of an object; Bite marks; Anti-social behavior; Problems in school; Fear of adults; Drug or alcohol abuse; Self-destructive or suicidal behavior; Depression or poor self-image. Children may exhibit a wide range of reactions to exposure to violence in their home. Younger children (e.g., preschool and kindergarten) oftentimes, do not understand the meaning of the abuse they observe and tend to believe that they "must have done something wrong." Self-blame can precipitate feelings of guilt, worry, and anxiety. It is important to consider that children, especially younger children, typically do not have the ability to adequately express their feelings verbally. Consequently, the manifestation of these emotions are often behavioral. Children may become withdrawn, non-verbal, and exhibit regressed behaviors such as clinging and whining. Eating and sleeping difficulty, concentration problems, generalized anxiety, and physical complaints (e.g., headaches) are all common. Unlike younger children, the pre-adolescent child typically has greater ability to externalize negative emotions (i.e., to verbalize). In addition to symptoms commonly seen with childhood anxiety (e.g., sleep problems, eating disturbance, nightmares), victims within this age group may show a loss of interest in social activities, low self-concept, withdrawal or avoidance of peer relations, rebelliousness and oppositional-defiant behavior in the school setting. It is also common to observe temper tantrums, irritability, frequent fighting at school or between siblings, lashing out at objects, treating pets cruelly or abusively, threatening of peers or siblings with violence (e.g., "give me a pen or I will smack you"), and attempts to gain attention through hitting, kicking, or choking peers and/or family members. Incidentally, girls are more likely to exhibit withdrawal and unfortunately, run the risk of being "missed" as a child in need of support.

Signs of emotional abuse may include: Apathy; Depression; Hostility; Lack of concentration; Eating disorders.

Some signs of sexual abuse may include: Inappropriate interest in or knowledge of sexual acts; Seductiveness; Avoidance of things related to sexuality, or rejection of own genitals or bodies; Nightmares and bed wetting; Drastic changes in appetite; Overcompliance or excessive aggression; Fear of a particular person or family member; Withdrawal, secretiveness, or depression; Suicidal behavior; Eating disorders; Self-injury. Sometimes there are no obvious physical signs of sexual abuse, and a physician must examine the child to confirm the abuse.

Some signs of neglect may include: Unsuitable clothing for weather; Being dirty or unbathed; Extreme hunger; Apparent lack of supervision.

Adolescents are at risk of academic failure, school drop-out, delinquency, and substance abuse. Some investigators have suggested that a history of family violence or abuse is the most significant difference between delinquent and non delinquent youth. An estimated 1/5 to 1/3 of all teenagers who are involved in dating relationships are regularly abusing or being abused by their partners verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually, and/or physically (SASS, 1996). Between 30% and 50% of dating relationships can exhibit the same cycle of escalating violence as marital relationships (SASS, 1996).

or attempts

Aberrant sexual behavior

Prostitution

Some abused children may become:

Aggressive

Disruptive

Hyperactive

Impulsive

Negative

Adult survivors of abuse including sibling abuse may suffer from some of these symptoms. These symptoms may vary in degree according to type and duration of abuse. Recognizing symptoms is an important first step in recovery. The perpetrator usually does not get the treatment that they need to stop this type of behavior. Parents and other relatives sometimes cover up the abuse out of disbelief or shame. The perpetrator continues the behavior unless they receive treatment.

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Is Someone You Know Being Abused? There is no way to tell for sure if someone is experiencing domestic violence. Those who are battered, and those who abuse, come in all shapes, sizes, colors, economic classes and personality types. Victims are not always passive with low self-esteem, and batterers are not always violent or hateful to their partner in front of others. Most people experiencing relationship violence do not tell others what goes on at home. So how do you tell? Look for the following signs.

Injuries and Excuses: In some cases, bruises and injuries may occur frequently and be in obvious places. When this happens, the intent of the batterer is to keep the victim isolated and trapped at home. When black eyes and other bruising is a result of domestic violence, the person being battered may be forced to call in sick to work, or face the embarrassment and excuses of how the injuries occurred. When there are frequent injuries seen by others, the victim may talk about being clumsy, or have elaborate stories of how the injuries occurred. In other cases, bruises and other outward injuries may be inflicted in places where the injuries won't show. This too is a tactic used by an abuser to keep a victim from reaching out or from having the violence exposed.

Absences from Work or School: When severe beatings or other trauma related to violence occurs, the victim may take time off from their normal schedule. If you see this happening, or the person is frequently late, this could be a sign of something (such as relationship violence) occurring.

Low Self-Esteem: Some victims have low self-esteem, while others have a great deal of confidence and esteem in other areas of their life (at work, as a parent, with hobbies, etc.) but not within their relationship. In terms of dealing with the relationship, a sense of powerlessness may exist. A victim may believe that they could not make it on their own or that they are somehow better off with the abuser as part of their life.

Personality Changes: People may notice that a very outgoing person, for instance, becoming quiet and shy around their partner over time. This happens because the one being battered "walks on egg shells" when in the presence of the one who is abusive. Accusations (of flirting, talking too loudly, or telling the wrong story to someone) have taught the abused person that it is easier to act a certain way around the batterer than to experience additional accusations in the future.

Fear of Conflict: As a result of being battered, some victims may generalize the experience of powerlessness with other relationships. Conflicts with co-workers, friends, relatives, and neighbors can create a lot of anxiety. For many, it is easier to give in to whatever someone else wants than to challenge it. Asserting needs and desires begins to feel like a battle, and not worth the risks of losing. Victims may also exhibit overly-friendly behavior, particularly to those that they percieve as being in a position of power (like the abuser's inlaws, a boss or a supervisor at work, or even to advocates if a victim seeking help from a domestic violence program. This can manifest as everything from sending cards to only very casual acquaintences to making dinner or providing over-indulgent attention.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior: For adults or children who have experienced violence from a loved one, the ability to identify feelings and wants, and to express them, may not exist. This could result in passive-aggressive behavior. Rather than telling others what they want, they say one thing but then express anger or frustration in an aggressive manner (such as burning dinner, or not completing a report on time for their boss).

Self-blame: You may notice someone taking all of the blame for things that go wrong. A co-worker may share a story about something that happened at home and then take all of the blame for whatever occurred. If you notice this happening a lot, it may be a sign that this person is being battered or experiencing emotional abuse.

Isolation and Control: In general, adults who are abused physically are often isolated. Their partners tend to control their lives to a great extent as well as verbally degrade them. This isolation is intended to make the abuser the center of the victim's universe, as well as to purposefully limit the victim's access to others who might attempt to help the victim escape. You might notice that someone: has limited access to the telephone, frequently makes excuses as to why they can't see you or they insist that their partner has to come along, doesn't seem to be able to make decisions about spending money, isn't allowed to drive, go to school or get a job; or has a noteable change in self-esteem which might include inability to make eye contact or looking away or at the ground when talking.

Stress-Related Problems: These often manifest as poor sleep, sleeping at strange times (also a sign of depression), experiencing non-specific aches or pains that are either constant and/or recurring, stomach problems, chronic headaches, and flare up of problems made worse by stress such as excema.

Warning Signs of Abuse Within a Relationship

There are some warning signs that might allow a victim to determine that her relationship is abusive before she gets seriously hurt. Not all of these signs will appear in all abusive or potentially abusive relationships. The existence of one or several of these behaviors does not necessarily mean that a relationship is abusive, but it may signal that a relationship is not entirely healthy.

Warning signs of an abusive relationship include:

Extreme jealousy
Constant put-downs
Telling the other person what to do
Explosive temper
Threats
Possessiveness
Preventing the other person from doing things she wants to do
Big mood swings
Making false accusations
History of violence
Isolating the other person from family and friends
Financial control
Incidents become more and more violent and dangerous

The Cycle Of Violence

Domestic violence is not just a one-time incident, but a pattern of behaviors over time. Most abusive relationships follow a pattern called the cycle of violence, a repeating cycle with three phases: tension building, explosive incident, and honeymoon stage. The length of each phase can be as short as a few seconds or as long as several years.

Tension building
In this phase, the warning signs of abuse start to appear. Often during the tension building stage:

The victim and the abuser argue a lot.
The abuser yells at the victim out of nowhere.
The abuser accuses the victim of cheating, flirting with other people, sleeping around, or other things that the victim did not do.
The victim feels like she can't do anything right.
The victim feels tension in the pit of her stomach - like things could blow up any moment and she is just waiting for something bad to happen.

Explosive incident
In this phase, all the tension built up in the first phase is released through an outburst of violence that can include intense emotional, verbal, sexual and/or physical abuse. During the explosion, the abuser may:

Physically abuse the victim by hitting, grabbing, shoving, kicking, slamming the victim against a wall, etc.
Scream and yell at the victim violently.
Throw objects across the room.
Rape or sexually assault the victim.
Threaten to hurt the victim.

Honeymoon stage
In this phase, the abuser tries to get the victim to stay with him by apologizing for the explosion, trying to make up with the victim, and trying to shift the blame for the explosion off himself. During the honeymoon stage, the abuser often:

Apologizes and promises that it will never happen again.
Tells the victim he loves her.
Buys the victim flowers or other gifts.
Makes excuses, saying the victim did something to cause the violence or blaming it on other things, like being drunk or "stressed out."

As a cycle, this pattern repeats itself; after the honeymoon stage, eventually the tension starts to build up again. Generally, over time, the honeymoon stage gets shorter and shorter and may even disappear, and the explosive